What healthy venting looks like in a secure relationship

There are times when we feel so overwhelmed with our emotions that we need someone to vent out to. However, this is different from emotional dumping. In case of emotional dumping, we do not care about the time and place and the mood of the other person. We hardly try to consider their interest as well. However, in case of venting out, we actively need someone who can support us through the process, can hear us out and help us get through it. "The effectiveness of venting takes places when there are two active parties involved - the processor (the person speaking) and the listener (the person on the receiving end).⁣ Simply saying how you feel to someone isn't as healing as being heard and understood by them. In order for this to happen, the listener must be in an active and voluntary participant in this interaction," wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi.

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Sadaf further shared a few ways by which people can do healthy venting in a secure relationship:

Seeking permission before sharing: More often than not, the mistake we make in a relationship is by taking it for granted that the other person is in the emotional state to listen to our venting out. However, seeking their permission and checking in with them before sharing the problems can get us both on the same page.

Stating needs: Sometimes we need a solution, and sometimes we just need to be heard. When we state the needs at the beginning of the conversation, it creates more clarity for the other person to grow their perspective on the problem and try to understand.

Mindfulness: When we try to become mindful of the listener's time and energy, we instantly become healthier as a person in a relationship.

Healing: Instead of tearing others down and being angry at things that we have no control over, we should focus on healing and becoming better emotionally and mentally.

Reflective: Instead of being reactive to the problems, we need to start being reflective and trying to understand the situation in depth. This will enable us to find better solutions.