How shame shows up in relationships

We often feel ashamed of our true selves to the partner in a relationship. Hence, this emotion finds unhealthy outlets such as anger and aggressiveness. "All ineffective relationship problems, from aggressiveness to poor boundaries and everything in between, are rooted in shame. Shame creates anxiety, anxiety gets acted out in ways that say stay safe," wrote Relationship Expert Julie Menanno as she explained the impact of shame in relationships. She further added, " For shame to heal, it needs to be talked about. You can talk about it by first understanding how it’s shows up. For avoidant partners that’s usually as defending, deflecting, shutting down, and anything else they think will keep them one step ahead of their shame. For anxious partners it’s usually blame, criticism, and controlling behaviors that they think will keep them safe from the shame that will push people away from them. When shame starts to be seen, it starts to dissolve. As it dissolves, the ineffective relationship behaviors it drives start to lessen."