Why do people cheat? Relationship coach decodes 7 possible reasons: 'Isn’t always about sex'

Infidelity can be a complex issue, often stemming from deeper underlying factors. On May 6, Reka Dutka, a relationship coach, shared an Instagram post on how understanding the underlying causes of infidelity can help individuals and couples address the root issues and work towards healing and growth. Also read | 7 questions 'that can save any marriage', according to a relationship coach

In her post titled 'Why do people cheat', Reka shared possible reasons, writing: “Cheating rarely comes out of nowhere. It is often a symptom of something deeper, not just in the relationship, but in the person who cheats.”

She went on to list 'the main emotional or mental states that commonly lead people to cheat':

1. Avoidant emotional repression

Reka said, “They don't know how to sit with discomfort, communicate unmet needs or deal with conflict. Instead of leaning in, they escape. (Not to be confused with being dismissive or fearful avoidant).”

2. Low self-worth or validation seeking

“Some people use attention or sex as a way to feel desirable, seen or alive, especially if they have tied their self-worth to external validation,” she said.

3. Resentment and emotional buildup

“Instead of speaking up about their pain, they silently resent. They act out that resentment by cheating as a form of self-righteous sabotage,” Reka added.

4. Addiction, trauma or impulsive issues

She said, “For some, cheating is less about the relationship and more about dysregulation. They use sex or thrill to escape themselves.”

5. Entitlement or lack of empathy

Reka added, “Some people genuinely believe they deserve to do what they want and minimise the impact of their actions. (This can be narcissistic, but not always).”

6. Fantasies of freedom

She further said, “People in long-term relationships sometimes cheat to rebel against feeling 'trapped' even if the trap is just emotional intimacy they are afraid of.”

7. Core truths

“Most cheating happens in a moment of disconnection: from the partner, from the relationship, or from oneself. Cheating says more about the cheater's inner world than the partner's worth,” Reka shared.

Cheating can be about pain or unmet needs

She concluded, “Someone else's betrayal is not a reflection of your worth. It is a reflection of their own disconnection from themselves and their inability to communicate or choose differently. If you have been cheated on, you are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to feel angry, shattered and confused. But you also deserve to heal in a way that does not involve blaming yourself.”

Reka's caption read, “Cheating isn’t always about sex. Sometimes it’s about pain, emotional disconnection, unmet needs, or trying to feel something when we’ve gone numb. This post isn’t about justifying betrayal. It’s about understanding the why beneath the behaviour. Because when we understand the root, we stop repeating the same painful cycles.”

Did you know microcheating, often seen as a form of infidelity, includes subtle actions like liking a co-worker’s photo or sending direct messages? Click here to know more about it.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.