Why can't we trust each other anymore? Ways to overcome fear of trusting others

Common sense says it must be easy for two people who know each other very well to live together peacefully. Common sense also says we simply need to be helpful and civil to each other but is it that simple? If it were so, why do parents and children incessantly argue? Why do couples misunderstand each other so quickly? Why can’t we tolerate the elderly?

Revealing where it begins, Sri Preethaji, Spiritual Leader, Co-Creator of Ekam and Co-Author of The Four Sacred Secrets, shared, “Every human being is a wounded person. We are wounded and hurt by our parents, school and society. We each may have many bitter experiences in the past. You become wounded when you loved someone in the past, be it a friend you trusted, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, a sibling or a parent and were disappointed by that person. Even if you have practically moved on, the wound internally lingers in your consciousness. You become like the Tenali Rama’s cat that refuses to drink anything white because its tongue was burnt earlier while drinking milk.”

Relating that to trust and to feel safe feels very difficult, he said that you become highly cautious and untrusting. According to Sri Preethaji, you will still want people in your life, not because you love them, but because you fear being lonely. She said, “It is like a constant game of - you be in my life but maintain a distance. You be with me, but don’t get too close. We are afraid of being wounded and wounding others with our anger. We are scared of our loneliness and that we will be disappointed with our partners. We, human beings, have been on the run from each other; we have been running from ourselves too. Some wounds are unexplainable. They even flow from previous lives and you may for no reason develop a deep dislike towards someone. You will have to become free of such a dislike too. Otherwise, it will continue to haunt you.”

Suggesting tips to begin our journey towards healing ourselves and healing others, Sri Preethaji advised, “The only way is compassion- to be able to feel yourself and to be able to feel the other. You will have compassion for each other only when you realize that just as you are wounded, the other is wounded in life. No one is an exception to these wounds. If this seed of initial compassion can take root within you, you will engage in loving conversation. You will listen to the other to feel their pain, not to prove your goodness, not to prove your rightness to them.”

She recommended, “If you open your heart and listen to what is hurting someone, that very loving listening can heal them. When your partner or child moves into an angry outburst in the middle of your conversation, they are not asking for answers or solutions. What they are looking for is an experience of connection and compassion. They want you to listen; they want you to feel them. Something magical happens when you listen with compassion for another. You heal, and they heal too. Try it and see.”