What is DARVO? How to resist it?

In some relationships, people get emotionally abused without understanding the intensity of it. Emotional abusers use the technique of gaslighting where they keep attacking the victim and blaming them. They do it till the point that the victim starts believing that they are at fault. This makes the victim feel like the bad person in the relationship all the time. DARVO is the technique used by emotional abusers to make the victim feel like the abuser. Addressing this, Therapist Amber Smith wrote, " The good news is, education on DARVO can really help identify it in its tracks. It can help interrupt the cycle of emotional abuse that so many face so that they can begin to start holding the true perpetrator accountable and begin healing."

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What is DARVO?

The full form of DARVO is Deny responsibility, Attack, Roles become reversed between the True victim and Offender. This consists of the process where the abuser completely denies any kind of responsibility for the damages causes, and instead attacks the victim stating that they are to be blamed for the same. Hence, in the process, the roles between the true victim and the abuser are reversed.

How to resist DARVO?

Therapist Amber Smith further stated a few ways by which we can resist DARVO. They are, as follows:

Document: We need to start documenting situations and write them down objectively. This will give us a clear picture of things that have happened and help us in resisting gaslighting.

Safe space: We need to seek out a safe space where we can go and calm our nervous system, when we fall prey to gaslighting.

Seek support: Not all of us are equipped to handle such situations. In such cases, we need to seek the support of the ones who will not confuse us further and help us through such scenarios.

Anticipate: We need to understand that people who do DARVO do not change magically. We should be prepared to face similar situations in the future from them.

Quit re-explaining: It is better to shut down the conversation than re-explaining ourselves and finding ways to make the offender understand.

Counselling: We should seek the help of a professional who can help us to get out of such situations.