Ways your unmanaged hypervigilance is showing up in your relationships
From noticing the change in tone to avoiding their triggers, here are a few ways by which hypervigilance shows up in romantic relationships.
When we are brought up in dysfunctional families, we try to do everything to dodge conflicts and chaos as a defense mechanism. This makes us pick up on minute details – such as the sound of the footsteps or the slight change in tone in a conversation. The body starts immediately going into flight or fight mode and we do everything to make things straight before it all goes south. "True hypervigilance is like having your internal alarm system perpetually set on the highest alert, scanning your surroundings for danger signals. As a child, this was your way of ensuring safety in an unpredictable environment. Now, it's a mechanism that still operates, even if the immediate threats are no longer present," wrote Therapist Morgan Pommells as she explained how unmanaged hypervigilance can show up in romantic relationships.
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Change in tone: Our bodies and minds are tuned into a certain tone that our partner has. When we feel that there is a slight change, we start to worry if they are mad at us, or if they had a bad day.
Fearing that they are cheating: Hypervigilance can make us rob someone else's privacy. When we start to notice that they are talking to someone new on social media, we start to look over our shoulders and try to see their conversations.
Blaming ourselves: Every time the partner feels low, we start to take the blame. We replay all the things that we have done and said and try to analyse if we are responsible for their bad mood.
Learning to avoid triggers: One of the positive signs of hypervigilance is we pay attention to their triggers, and we try to avoid them at all costs.
Struggling to relax: In moments of intimacy, we struggle to relax and be in the moment because we are very focused on if they are having a good time.
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