Types of emotional unavailability that we mistake for chemistry

Often we take the butterflies in the tummy too far, that we miss out on the memo of what is toxic and what is not for ourselves in a relationship. A relationship involves two people who are willing to put in an equal amount of effort and trust into building a relationship that will sustain them for a long time. Also, while building a relationship together, we must ensure that we are building a safe and secure one that will create a healthy space for two people to growth and chase their own ambitions as well. However, in some cases, we might be in for a toxic relationship, which we often mistake for chemistry. But how do we differentiate it?

ALSO READ: Reminders for those who love someone who is emotionally unavailable

Therapist Maria G. Sosa, in one of her recent posts, shared the difference between emotional unavailability and chemistry and pointed out the thick line that separates both. Here are a few types:

In our minds: Sometimes the person we are with is always in the background of the mind. No matter how busy we stay, their thoughts creep in. However, this is not a healthy way – in fact, it happens because we start to breadcrumb and become emotionally malnourished, looking for the warmth of the other person.

Excitement: When they text or reach out to us, we start to feel butterflies. However, this happens because we do not feel stable about their communication patterns, and they are very unpredictable. Hence, we start to be surprised.

Together: Every time we are with the other person, we have a sense of exhilaration. This happens because we are never on their priority list. In fact, they plan things with us, only when their other plans fail.

Attraction: Since their wants and needs are unclear to us, we start to be mysteriously drawn to them and start being attracted to the unknown.

Envision: We start to daydream of a life with them, because they are not clear about their plans with us – hence, we picture ourselves as the one that they pick someday to be with.

Expressing: We end up talking about them at length to our loved ones, because we cannot make sense of their actions, and we are looking for an explanation.