Over-sharing Vs vulnerability in a relationship

In relationship, being vulnerable to each other is an organic result when two people come closer to each other. Over-sharing, on the other hand, happens due to a range of reasons. Be it not having enough trust in the relationship to the childhood trauma of being abandoned emotionally and leading to anxiety. Therapist Israa Nasir, explaining this, wrote, “Using oversharing to get closer to someone is an unintended and non-malicious emotional manipulation, or a sign of poor boundaries. It can leave you feeling empty and lonelier than before. It can also push the other person away, by overwhelming them with information that doesn't match the level of connection.”

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Israa further noted down the differences between over-sharing and vulnerability:

Boundaries: Being vulnerable also means having the idea of exclusion and inclusion and knowing what information to share and what to keep, while over-sharing does not follow the sense of boundaries and end up ruining the context of the relationship, making it border at being toxic.

Intimacy: One of the most primary reasons of over-sharing is to create deep intimacy in a short span of time, while vulnerability focuses on building trust and depth of emotions in a relationship, making a long-lasting effect.

Exchange: Over-sharing always follows the rule of exchange, and expects something in return, while vulnerability is an act of selflessness and is done with the intention of genuinely investing in the relationship and creating real bonding.

Outcome: Israa further noted down that before we share our motions with the other person, we should consider the outcome of it and the reason of sharing – this will help us in reflecting if we are being vulnerable or ending up over-sharing. “Every person is different in their comfort level of boundaries and what they think is private information. So, the line between vulnerability and oversharing is different for everyone. One way to figure it out for yourself is to check-in with yourself before you share with someone,” the therapist added.