How to make up after an argument?

Conflicts are normal in a relationship. Contrary to popular beliefs, conflicts are actually healthy because they open up perspectives and opinions and help us understand our partner better. However, we should not let conflicts carry on for a long time, as it can make things bitter. After an argument, we need to take some time to cool down and then make up to hold the relationship together. Addressing this, Therapist Elizabeth Fedrick wrote, "Conflict and ruptures are an inevitable part of every single relational dynamic. Especially relationships that are vulnerable, intimate, and that mean a lot to us. These types of relationships carry with them increased connection, value, and rawness… which ultimately also means increased fears of abandonment, rejection, and loss. This double-edged sword can at times lead to increased triggers and maladaptive behaviors because of the fears often associated with them… and the deep care we have about how we are treated and perceived by that individual."

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Here are a few ways to make up after an argument, suggested by the therapist:

Take the initiative: rather than letting rejection stop us, we should take the initiative to start talking and making up after a fight. We need to find a common ground to cool things down and make it better.

Talk about it: One of the primary steps of making up after a conflict is to acknowledge that it has happened. When we accept that there was a conflict, we can start talking about it.

Take ownership: we should take ownership of our mistakes and understand where we have been wrong. Taking responsibilities will help us understand things better.

Validate the partner: Sometimes we are not able to see our mistakes because we cannot validate the perspective of the partner. One of the steps is to validate them and try to understand how they felt.

Ways to connect: Be it a gentle touch or taking some time off work to spend it with our partners, we should find ways to connect with them and move past the conflict.