How to ask for your relationship needs

In a healthy relationship, the needs and expectations of the people are established and communicated in clear words. "Being able to communicate your needs in secure ways significantly improves the health of your relationship. A key trait of securely attached adults is the ability to identify and express what’s important to them through boundaries that focus on their own experience (instead of trying to change the other person)," wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi as she explained the importance of communicating needs in relationship. However, we should be mindful in expressing our needs in a secure and constructive way.

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Here are a few ways suggested by the therapist:

Pick a good time: it is important to bring up the conversation with the intention of having a serious discussion. To do so, we need to pick a good time for the conversation and state clearly that we are looking forward to an important discussion.

Express and define needs: To communicate the needs we have, we need to express them in a healthy manner, and also define them so that there is clarity for our partners on how to abide by them.

Example: In order to define the needs we have, sometimes we need to simplify the definition by providing an example to the partner so that they can understand what we really want.

Feedback: This should be a two-way communication and we should be open to receiving feedback from our partners about it.

Safe space for open dialogue: The communication should be a safe space where the partners can express themselves without any pretense and fear.

Expectations: While we should be open to sharing the needs and expectations we have; we should also keep in mind that they may not meet the needs right away. However, with continued discussions, we can find a common ground for our needs and expectations to be met. "Healthy relationships are one of the most fulfilling experiences we can have as humans," Sadaf Siddiqi wrote.