Boundaries versus walls: Therapist explains the differences

Boundaries are healthy for us. It helps in protecting our peace. When we make boundaries, they are usually to protect us from mental and emotional turmoil. However, we should be careful to understand if we are building boundaries or walls. "Setting boundaries is an art, and it's crucial to understand the difference between boundaries and walls. Let's dive in and discover their distinct nature.⁣ Boundaries are like guardian angels, protecting your well-being while nurturing healthy relationships. They're flexible, respectful, and foster appropriate levels of interaction. ⁣On the other hand, walls can be like fortress barriers, shielding you from emotional harm but also barricading genuine connections and intimacy. ⁣While walls may provide temporary relief, they often hinder personal growth, emotional intimacy, and the joys of healthy relationships," wrote Therapist Carolyn Rubenstein.

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Citing the contrast between boundaries and walls, Carolyn further noted down a few differences:

Rules: Boundaries are about setting expectations on how people should or should not treat us, however, walls are based on fear and anger issues that stem from situations and experiences. Often walls end up hurting us.

Perfection: Boundaries can be crossed by mistake – the only way to address such situations is to talk openly about it and try to understand the other perspectives as well. However, when walls are crossed, we often end up cutting people from our lives, not expecting any kind of imperfections from their end.

Connections: In boundaries, we create the space for vulnerability, and initiate growth in the relationship, while, in walls, we disconnect to limit the growth and try to maintain strictness in the way people should behave around us.

Acceptance: In case of boundaries, we try to understand the views and opinions of others as well, while in case of walls, we dismiss any opinion that does not side with us.