Sandhya Mridul on dealing with social anxiety: I went through a phase when I had to drink to be okay, feel confident

Even as she soldiers on in her ongoing battle with social anxiety, actor Sandhya Mridul recalls that there was a time when she used to look for comfort in alcohol at public gatherings. She recently used social media to start a conversation around social anxiety, revealing that her awkwardness and discomfort was taken for arrogance.

“A lot of people don’t believe that social anxiety is real. It might even have extreme symptoms such as nausea. In my case, they take it as misconstrued as arrogance. Being a celebrity, I have to be strong and go to public places because it’s my job. But I have been through some tough situations,” Mridul says.

The 47-year-old found it difficult to identify her feelings, and the hesitation to go to public events. Explaining the issue, she says, “It was very weird to me initially… I just thought maybe I just don’t enjoy going out. But I felt a bit shaky, I used to start worrying way before the event, with a desire to avoid social situations… A lot of times people misunderstand people who go through social anxiety, especially people like me who look like extroverts. There is judgement because of my image of being a cool bindaas girl. I look like a very strong person, on top of that, I have a rigid body stance, which is actually coming from anxiety. So, it comes across as arrogance.”

At this point, she reveals that there are times when her mind goes blank at public gatherings. “When I see a lot of people, suddenly my mind goes blank for a second. I tend to be very rigid and I shut down. Even my closest friends know what I deal with”.

There was a time when she had to “repress a lot of my anxiety in social situations” as part of her job. She confesses, “Initially, I thought I had to live up to that image today. Because people were already saying, ke arrogant hai party ya premiere pe nahi aati. So, I would go and drink so that I could feel confident. I went through a phase where I was drinking a lot. I did go through a time where I had to drink to be okay. Now, that need is not there”.

“Fortunately, I took a pause to realise that I have to stop that, saying to myself ‘I’m not going to become an alcoholic just because I’m not comfortable in the social setup’. I couldn’t live up to the social demands, especially after I made a name for myself after Page 3. I reached a point where I felt that I drank way beyond what I should have and what I can handle. That was when I stopped going out, and became a recluse very early. I wanted to bring balance to myself,” notes Mridul.

And she makes it clear that she is not talking as a celebrity, but as an individual who has gone through the ups and downs of dealing with social anxiety.

“You don’t want to hurt anyone, but do end up getting hurt because you end up pissing somebody. And it’s not a good feeling that somebody misunderstood you. Any reason could lead to social anxiety….When I write these things, a lot of people reach out to me and thank me for bringing it into the light,” says the actor.

While she feels she is doing a “little better” since last year when it comes to feeling anxious about stepping out, she hopes the conversation grows, making people acknowledge it as a real problem.

“It is not not as bad as it used to be, but I feel it’s important to talk about it and write about it. Because there might be people going through many extreme symptoms,” she ends.