My final offer is $20bn: A ‘conversation’ between Modi and Zuckerberg

This is an alleged transcript of the PM’s meeting with Mark Zuckerberg in California, from a completely unreliable source:

Modi: GM Mark.

Mark Zuckerberg: Mr Modi, sir, GM, GM. It’s an honour having you here. I am a great admirer, in awe of the things you have achieved.

Modi: I do all this for the glory of India.

Mark: I was actually talking about your having over 15 million followers on Twitter and a humongous number of friends on Facebook.

Modi: Chill, Mark.

Mark: I’m so impressed I’ve decided to invest a billion dollars in India.

Modi: LoL.

Mark: What?

Modi: I said LoL, laugh out loud. Only a billion?

Mark: Ok, make it five billion.

Modi: ROFL.

Mark: Eh?

Modi: ROFL, rolling on floor laughing.

Mark: You drive a hard bargain, sir. Ten billion?

Modi: LMAO.

Mark: Oh my god. Ok, my final offer is twenty billion US dollars. Is that fine?

Modi: How about 50 billion?

Mark: 50? No, no, I really can’t do it.

Modi: Relax, just kidding. 20 billion is cool. Look forward to liking it on your FB timeline. Folks will know I promised AD and they’re getting it.

Mark: Alzheimer’s Disease?

Modi: Achhe Din.

Mark: Oh, sure.

Modi: Poke all your friends so that they see it. I’ll update our status to BFF?

Mark: Huh?

Modi: Best friends forever. Forward this on WhatsApp: Best friends are like stars in the sky. You may not see them, but they’re there all the time.

Mark: Like. Will poke.

Modi: And will you RT it?

Mark: I’ll gladly retweet it.

Modi: You see, India is such a large and diverse country, a good communications strategy, especially a social communications strategy, is absolutely essential and we have to use all avenues. Oh shoot, I’ve used more than 140 characters. Let me rephrase that.

Mark: That’s fine. We don’t have a 140-character limit for talking.

Modi: TG.

Mark: I didn’t catch that.

Modi: I said ‘Thank God’. BTW, I met Sundar Pichai from Google.

Mark: Was it really Sundar, or was it Google Talk?

Modi: I think it was him.

Mark: One can never be sure. Besides, Google is now called Alphabet.

Modi: Good God, I used to call it Google Guru. Alphabet Guru has no alliteration. What do you think of Alphabet Acharya?

Mark: Nice.

Modi: Let’s take a selfie. Do you have a cute cat?

Mark: No, why?

Modi: A selfie of us with a cute cat would be nice. Cute cats are the most trending on Twitter. Lots of likes on FB. Very popular on WhatsApp.

Mark: No cat, it’ll have to be just the two of us. Say cheese please.

Modi: Instagram it with the hashtag ‘epic’. That always works. When I met the Mongolian president he forgot to Instagram it. Total waste of a trip. I unfriended him immediately.

Mark: Oh.

Modi: Ok. TTYL.Talk to you later.

Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed are personal.