‘What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare’
Many adults face 'leisure guilt', feeling pressured to be productive even in free time. True leisure fosters mindfulness and connection, vital for well-being.
One of the themes that often shows up in therapy sessions is adult clients telling me how they struggle to enjoy their leisure time. They speak about experiencing ‘leisure guilt’. Leisure guilt is closely linked to productivity guilt where they cannot give themselves permission to relax or enjoy their free time, and end up worrying about doing something else that might be a better use of their time. As a result, these individuals, even in their free time, may end up listening to a podcast or reading a book which is largely about their work. Recent debates about longer working hours have only added to the anxieties about enjoying downtime.
Many clients will say how they have no time for leisure. Narratives of productivity guilt, hustle culture, micro influencing, multitasking seem to have come in the way of how we perceive leisure. We are also living at a time where workaholism is rewarded and appreciated not just at the workplace, but also amongst peers. As an extension of this – not having free time is seen as a norm or something that one should be proud of
Listening to these narratives I wonder, if over the years, our relationship with leisure has changed drastically. We have forgotten that leisure provides us an opportunity to not just pause but also to find connections with nature, with people we love, with hobbies that energize us and with parts of ourselves that we forget to pay attention to as we get caught in our work or unending chores.
Social media too seems to have cast a shadow when it comes to our definition of leisure. A 37-year-old client tells me, ‘Everything nowadays has become work, even leisure feels like work. When it comes to weekends or celebrating festivals, I feel the pressure to be performative – to curate an image that I am maximizing my leisure and while I know this is a faulty way of thinking I can’t stop myself from posting about it. A mix of pictures that include going to my pilates class, a favorite restaurant, reading and finally a family picture –- it all must look picture perfect. But I don’t know if I am even having fun doing that any longer.’
What the client is talking about is a sentiment that I commonly hear even with reference to holidays that people take where the act of posting pictures, sharing the experience on social media seems to become a task which doesn’t allow people to be fully present or savor these precious moments. Our ability to be fully present, soak experiences and let them sink in gets compromised when we choose to get lost in the act of taking endless pictures for social media. For me leisure very much has to do with mindfulness, the ability to relax and as a result when I’m travelling, I may take a few pictures, but I don’t post them ever in real time. Very often, I choose to keep my phone inside my bag to experience nature, moments as they are without trying to capture every minute of it. The reality is that by the time I have captured a moment; it is actually lost and all I am left with is a picture, and not the positive feelings that come with it.
As I get older, I am convinced that building a good life is not just about working hard, enjoying our work but also about savouring leisure. Making room for it is a responsibility each of us owes to our self. In the absence of leisure, we run the risk of being wired, exhausted or get stuck on some hedonic treadmill. Constant scrolling on social media, numbing oneself with binge-watching is not leisure. Real leisure allows us to enjoy a state of being rather than remain stuck in a state of being. So, begin by defining what is leisure for you, and if you seem to struggle – think back to the times when you laughed a lot, relxed and did not feel pressured to rush to complete another task. Whether it’s an exercise class, reading, lying on grass, walking at a steady pace or spending time with those you love – ask yourself which is that one area where you feel most at ease. Not choosing leisure is a choice too.
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