Zombie-ing, roaching and more: Warm up to the newest dating terms

Has your Tinder date completely started ignoring your texts? Or are you being suddenly bombarded with mushy vacation plans? The dating behaviour from our partner we experience could range from being overly obsessive to being downright indifferent. Here’s the low-down on some of the newest dating terms and how to confront them with tips from some of the seasoned counsellors.   

ZOMBIE-ING

They say once bitten twice shy, but what if you have ever been ghosted not once, but twice by the same individual? If that’s the case then you’re possibly zombied. The term denotes that when someone ghosts you at the outset, then comes back to life, reignites a flurry of dates and dinners, only to ghost you again. Tough luck!

Coping mechanism:  It starts making you question yourself, your self respect and self esteem. Try and understand that there’s a pattern being played out by one partner and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Also, understand that there’s something about you which is bringing the partner back to you. Understand the relationship dynamics, which works for you and you’ll find people more suited for you. 

ROACHING

Roaching occurs when the individual you’ve been seeing on a regular basis (often for a few months) is shielding the information that they’ve been going out with other people. And what’s worse? When you discover it and confront them, they claim that they didn’t realise you were in a monogamous relationship. Interestingly, the term roaching is derived from the theory that whenever you see one cockroach, there are several more that you’re not seeing. 

Coping mechanism: It’s imperative to have a conversation and make the partner understand your perspective. If they understand what you expect and are willing to bring about a change then nothing like it. However, do not break a relationship on the basis of one misunderstanding. Or you could adjust or adapt to your partner’s needs. Or move apart as you have to look at it from a long term perspective. 

LOVE BOMBING

This love affair starts off on a vibrant start - everything is mushy - from the decadent dinners to the long chats you have. Your partner brings up talk of getaways, buys you presents, showers you with compliments and this continues for a few weeks or months. And then... love flies out of the window. This is when you get ‘love bombed’.

Coping mechanism: It’s a hard one to deal one. The suddenness of this situation will make it far more difficult to manage. Don’t be self critical. Someone being very involved initially and then abruptly withdrawing is representative of what’s happening with them. Also, take the support system of family and friends and give yourself some time. 

SOFT GHOSTING

As opposed to the traditional ghosting which involves a person disappearing without a trace, ‘soft ghosting’ is the act of simply ‘liking’ your text instead of actually sending out a reply. 

Coping mechanism: People sometimes don’t overly interact because they want to keep their options open. If you don’t want to be that option then call the person out and get your point across. Such individuals are emotional abusers. 

SLOW FADE

Have the texts, calls, dates and DMs from you partner petering out? This is when you know you’re being slow faded. Steering clear of the mess of breaking up with someone, ‘slow fading’ is the convoluted version of ghosting.

Coping mechanism: Possibly, they may not have the time to reply to your text or they may want to break up or it could be a mismatch. It’s a very confusing scenario from a lifestyle perspective. Meet the person face to face and call him or her out. Perhaps give them a month-long cooling period and then step away.  

(With inputs from Clinical psychologists Kamna Chibber and Priyanka Verma)

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