Cyrus Broacha’s relationship advice: I’m the one who needs answers

Are you having relationship troubles? Is the long distance bothering you or do you have trust issues? Are you looking for someone to talk your heart out about these problems?

Worry not. So, TV anchor, theatre personality, comedian, political satirist, columnist and author, Cyrus Broacha is here to help you: From navigating relationship trouble to helping your love life go the distance, he’s got all the dating advice you’ll ever need from your first date to something that you can’t find a solution to.

From how to approach your crush to how to handle a break up, shoot your questions to Cyrus and he will answer them.

I am a 32-year-old woman and I’ve been married for 5 years now. However, I’ve been losing interest in this relationship. How do I revive things? - FS

FS, oops you have the same initials as my father which means after reading your question. I’m the one who needs answers. But, seriously, there is a mathematical angle to your story. You’ve mentioned the magic no.5 Ancient Indian Texts, (which now are a compulsory study), all point out that, it is around the 5-year mark that change appears. The 5th day of the week marks the end of the week and the start of the weekend. Change. Most coaches in Cricket and Football as well as the N.B.A., are cycled in and out after 5 years change. The Indian Govt. faces an electoral test every 5 years, change. Okay sorry, there expect no change for maybe the next 75 years. What I mean is 5 years is the danger mark for you. Before trying to revive things, first, ask yourself if you really want to stay. Things we do out of habit are not always the best things for us. Digging the nose, and scratching, (let’s say everywhere), comes to mind.

I am a 25-year-old man and I’ve been dating a senior in office. She’s 27 and wants to settle down. However, I don’t think I’m ready for this. Do you think its the end of the road for our relationship? - KY

In one word? How the hell do I know? It’s like asking me on what date the metro will be operational in Mumbai? How the hell would I know? The love guru Kalidass Prasad wrote that ‘the secret to love is to keep it Simple’! So keep it simple. Answer the following questions? (a) Do you love her? (b) Do you want to be with her? (c) Do you know her parent’s birthdate? (d) Has she shared her PAN Card with you? If you answer yes to 3 out of 4, then you are clearly into her. The great things about taking things further, is you know where you stand. If you don’t love her, please, please don’t go further into the deep end. So just to be clear, let me give you a precise well thought out, sensitive answer. How the hell do I know?

I am a 28-year-old woman and I’ve recently got married. I’ve been trying to adjust and fit into my husband’s family, but things seem to be working out in the opposite direction for me. They are a bit old-school. What should I do? - SY

Let me educate the readers about Adam & Eve. Very few are aware that Adam’s mom insisted they take a snake along with them. Their pet snake. The Patadia’s, (Adam’s family name), had many pets. Including a black rhino, 2 dragons. And a one-legged Llama. But the snake was the friendliest. Also, it was the only one who could fetch balls. However, a ball is one thing and an apple turned out to be quite another. Similarly, your in-laws may not be making life easy for you. They are like builders in Mumbai. Initially promise you one thing, and deliver very little. SY, here’s where it gets easy for you. It is the ‘link’, between your in-laws and you, who needs to up his game. I’m referring to your husband. He has to do the balancing act. And he needs to call a spade, a spade, or if need be your mother-in-law, a spade. Tell him how you are feeling. Let him sort it out.

I am a 23-year-old guy and I’ve been single for almost 4 years now. However, I like a girl in the office and I want to ask her out for a coffee. We do speak normally, but it’s mainly professional. Do you think it would be right to directly ask her for a coffee amidst professional conversations? – GT

Firstly, GT heartiest congratulations on being single for 4 years. There are too many couples in the world, so well done. Now about this girl that you speak professionally with. Let’s hold off on the coffee. What’s the hurry? Do you know what coffee costs these days? I think you need to raise the conversation a little bit first. Go beyond official talks. I mean if all you’ve ever said is, “Hi Neeta, is the printer working”? Then coffee cannot be the next step. Instead, begin to chat beyond office culture. The weather? Politics? Pop culture? Or even Society’s biggest challenges like poverty, communalism, or why does TataSky not work in the rain? If she’s chatty, then you discuss coffee, tea or you. But stick to that order, please.

Just write to Uncle Cy at cyrus@hindustantimes.com and i’ll give you some relief…. Err… that is, provided, i’m not doing a headstand at the time.

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