Are you in a committed relationship? Don’t stop being yourself, say experts

When a relationship starts, it’s no doubt one of the most beautiful phases in one’s life. You feel great and end up doing a lot of things together as a couple, but as you grow into the relationship, things soon change from ‘me’ to ‘we’ and by the time you realise it, you often start missing the person you were.

“As your relationship grows deeper, the feeling of merging of the two makes you feel depleted. It is very common,” says relationship counsellor Shivani Sadhoo. Agrees Jai Madan, “It is very important that the partners respect and accept each other’s differences and maintain their individualities because irrespective of how significant or insignificant, each person has a personality of his/her own which would help in nurturing and building the relationship.”

Here are 5 things to do to maintain your individuality in a committed relationship:

1. Love him or her, but love yourself more: Remember in ‘Sex and the City’ when Carrie moved to Paris for love leaving everything behind? She soon realised the importance of self-worth and her creative outlet that kept her going. “So the most crucial is to work on self-esteem and realise the value of your life,” advises Sadhoo.

2. Have a creative streak: Follow your passion. Delve deeper into a hobby you have and make yourself happy.

3. Let the weights be equal on both sides of the weighing scale: Create a balance in a relationship by following simple routines. It could begin with something as simple as practising a little ‘me time’ by going for a walk early in the morning or having a cup of tea alone and gathering your thoughts. Go out with friends or colleagues as well. Or, pamper yourself every now and then. Make sure to spend time together with your partner where you can discuss your day and have a nice chit-chat before sleeping or go on date nights.

4. Give space: Respect each other’s privacy. Avoid peeping into each other’s phones, as it creates lack of trust in the long run. “There should be a certain sense of privacy that is maintained between each other. Even a small grape is created with a thin veil; nothing should be too open or too disguised,” adds Madan.

5. Don’t keep your fingers on the lips: Another important aspect is to speak for yourself. Express your views; there is no harm in saying no to your partner for certain things. You don’t always have to give into everything that your partner wants. Keep an open mind but balance between what you want and his needs at the same time.

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