The circle of optimal compassion: Life Hacks by Charles Assisi
Doing good makes you feel amazing but you should know when to stop. Or it could lead to disastrous consequences
Several years ago, a virus crossed my blood brain barrier and claimed my short-term memory. It would take a while until the damaged neurons were fixed and I got my memory back. The path to recovery involved hacks of all kinds. This included maintaining meticulous records of everything transpiring around. Because unlike everyone else who could store events in their memory, I couldn’t.
In hindsight, the experience was liberating because I had inadvertently gotten to a place that philosophers aspire to get to. See the self in the third person. This, because minus memory, context was stripped off most events. When required, the notes allowed me pore over events from the past and assess dispassionately if my responses were appropriate. Eventually, I concluded there is much merit in the idea of an Optimal Circle of Compassion.
To understand that, let us first ask, why do people do good? Dacher Keltner has researched this for many years. He is director at the Greater Good Science Centre and author of The Power Paradox and Born to be Good.
When he examined the brains of those who engage in altruism, he discovered the reward circuits that get activated are the same that lights up when a gift is received. He also found that when people volunteer for social service, oxytocin is released. This neurotransmitter, incidentally, is one among that released when people experience an orgasm. That is why he believes we are wired to do good. Doing good makes us feel good. Who, after all, does not like a good orgasm?
But Keltner’s research also suggest a paradox. Anyone who gives away more than they can afford to; or spends too much time at work with a colleague of the opposite sex in trouble at the cost of family time; may feel good in the short-term. But the unintended victims of the fuzzy goodness they experience may include empty personal bank accounts and alienated families.
I could relate right away. On the path to recovery, I didn’t think much about opening my wallet up or lending a shoulder to anyone with a sob story. While it infuriated those close to me, a warm, fuzzy feeling to do good ignored their warnings. The feeling lasted until the memory faded. On poring over my notes later, it was obvious I was falling for every sob story. Keltner’s research suggests, I was doing a primate thing. Being too good for my own good. And that if I do not operate within the boundaries defined by the Optimal Circle of Compassion, (or, what I can afford) the consequences can be disastrous.
His research also bears out that very few humans, like the Dalai Lama for instance, can operate outside it. Most of us are better off staying inside it.
(The writer is co-founder at Founding Fuel & co-author of The Aadhaar Effect)
