What is ‘grey divorce’? The rising trend of couples parting ways after decades of marriage

The internet is abuzz with the term' grey divorce,' referring to couples choosing to separate later in life after spending decades together. With high-profile celebrities like A.R. Rahman, Aamir Khan, Sania Mirza and others making headlines for their separations, this growing trend has sparked discussions. But what exactly is grey divorce, and why is it becoming more common? Let's take a closer look. (Also read: AR Rahman, Saira Banu jointly announce split: 9 expert tips to ensure a peaceful divorce, end marriage on good terms )

In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Arouba Kabir, mental health counsellor and founder of Enso Wellness, shared insights on the growing trend of grey divorce and its impact.

What is grey divorce, and why does it happen?

Grey divorce refers to separations or divorces occurring among individuals over 50, often after spending decades together. In some cases, couples may not legally divorce but choose to live separately, whether with their children or in their own spaces. One key reason for grey divorce is that many marriages of earlier generations were built on commitment and responsibility rather than emotional compatibility. Over time, as individuals grow and evolve, they may realise their relationship no longer serves them.

Another common factor is the empty nest syndrome. Many couples stay together with a shared purpose, raising their children. However, once their children grow up and leave home, they often find they have little in common and no shared goal, leading to a disconnect. Infidelity is also a rising factor, as people seek emotional fulfilment outside their marriage. Whether physical or emotional, these connections can create distance between partners.

Financial disagreements further contribute to separations. In earlier generations, women were often financially dependent, but today, many want to pursue careers or financial independence, which can lead to conflicts, especially regarding retirement plans and financial security.

Emotional challenges of grey divorce

The biggest emotional challenges of grey divorce include an existential and identity crisis like Who am I without my partner? If you no longer have common goals after spending a lifetime together, it can be overwhelming to figure things out on your own.

Sometimes, the friendships and family bonds you built with your partner fade away, leaving you to navigate life independently. Social stigma is another major challenge, especially in our society, where older adults are often judged for their divorces. Now it's over, what was the need? This is the last leg of the journey. This is how it is. These are the kinds of statements people hear.

Then comes loneliness and the fear of the future—What if I end up alone? What if I don't have a companion? What if I don't find someone to share my life with? These anxieties can feel overwhelming.

How does it impact mental health?

It all depends on the individual. If they have a fulfilling life of their own, they may feel happy, free, and excited for the future. They might truly enjoy this new phase and look forward to life.

However, much of it also depends on the life they've lived until now. If they lack close friendships, financial independence, or family support, they may struggle with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, grief, and a deep sense of loss. They might grieve the relationship and experience overwhelming anxiety, which can eventually lead to physical health issues.

What are some coping strategies?

Maintain a Routine: Just because you're living alone now doesn't mean your days should lose structure. Stick to a routine—wake up at a set time, take care of yourself, exercise, eat healthy, and stay active. Prioritising self-care is essential.

Reconnect with loved ones: Reach out to friends and family you may have lost touch with. Strengthening old bonds or making new connections through social events and networking can help combat loneliness. Even exploring dating apps can be a way to put yourself out there again.

Plan your finances: Financial independence is crucial. Whether you received alimony or have savings, plan your money wisely instead of spending impulsively. Secure your future with smart financial decisions.

Seek professional guidance: A life coach or therapist can provide valuable support in navigating this transition. They can help you piece things together and move forward with clarity and confidence.

How can one rebuild life after divorce?

As I mentioned earlier, redefining or rebuilding your life after divorce depends on who you were before and who you are now.

Taking care of yourself is crucial, having a routine and practicing self-care is essential. But beyond that, you once had a shared purpose with your partner. Now, it's time to ask yourself: What is your purpose?

• Do you want to take up a new hobby?
• Do you want to learn something new professionally?
• Do you want to build a house?
• Do you want to volunteer?

Redefining your purpose is key. Setting personal goals, both big and small, is important as you step into this next phase of life. What are your goals now? What do you want to achieve?

It's also a great time to learn new skills, upgrade, and upskill yourself. If you've been out of the workforce or away from personal development for a long time, this is your chance to grow and evolve.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.