What do people love most about sex? Study reveals it's not the orgasm

Slow kisses, long cuddles, whispered jokes or simply being close to someone you love, these moments might matter more than we think. While many assume the highlight of sex is the orgasm, a new study suggests there’s so much more that people value in intimacy.

Published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, the study surveyed nearly 3,000 adults across the US to find out what they truly love most about sex with their partner. Surprisingly, only 231 people pointed to orgasms as the best part, hinting that modern relationships may be redefining what “good sex” really means. (Also read: Do you mirror your partner's mood to the point of being emotionally drained? Expert says why it happens )

Is partner pleasure more important than orgasm?

Another indicator that sex isn’t just about performance is the fact that only 241 participants mentioned that their favourite part of sex is making their partner feel good, whether through giving oral sex, observing their partner’s pleasure, or ensuring their partner’s sexual needs are met.

Additionally, over 300 US adults shared that what they love most about sex is the emotional connection, particularly when it’s about love and care. For these individuals, orgasms and satisfying physical needs take a backseat to feeling appreciated, desired, and valued during intimate moments.

This group of participants sees sex as more than a physical act, it’s a way to deepen an already strong emotional bond between two lovers. Nearly 400 US adults shared that what they cherish most about sex is how it makes them feel as individuals, emotionally secure, seen, and connected.

How emotional intimacy boosts self-esteem and connection

While solo pleasure definitely has its perks, Nicole Cirino, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry at OHSU’s Center for Women’s Health, explains that sex with a partner can offer greater emotional rewards, including a boost in self-esteem.

“Having sex alone through masturbation won’t stimulate the release of as much oxytocin or other mood-boosting hormones as having sex as part of a loving relationship,” explains Dr. Cirino. As the study delves deeper, it reveals that many participants also love how sex brings them intimately close with their partner.

Sex offers a unique bonding experience, skin-to-skin contact, cuddling, kissing, experimenting with different positions, and making eye contact are all ways couples can connect on a deeper level. Moreover, the study found that participants appreciate how engaging in sex allows them to be fully present with their partner, free from outside distractions.