In love, but not quite: ‘almost-relationships’

Swiped right on someone, met them a couple of times, things somehow didn’t materialise and yet you can’t get them out of your head... sounds familiar? If you’re nodding your head right now, don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Known as an almost-relationship, this is a situation where despite having a clear connection, things don’t materialise between two people. And the result? Being hung up on the possibilities. In fact, many people feel it is harder to get over such relationships than real ones. Almost-relationships can be defined as being close, but not quite there. In other words, acceptance of the fact hat everything you ever wanted in a relationship is right in front of your eyes, but can’t be yours.

“I met a girl through a common friend and we started talking. Things were good and I really liked the girl but we never dated. And now I can’t stop thinking about the possibilities, what ‘if’ we would have dated. This is the worst part of this whole thing. We never made it to that step in life and now I miss her so much that it feels like there’s a void and nothing can fill it,” says Aman Mehra, 21, Hotel Management trainee, Nagpur.

The unrequited nature of this kind of love is something that lingers on much longer than you would expect. “Just because we didn’t label each other as boyfriend and girlfriend doesn’t mean my love was not real. I keep thinking about what we could have been if we got into a relationship but we were just not meant to be. That’s the thing, the desire to have something I couldn’t have made me fall in love deeper and harder than ever before with this guy I met through a dating app. That ‘almost’ relationship was the most painful breakup I’ve had in my entire life. It took me a year and a half to get over something that lasted three months,” says Loveleen Batra, 25, Delhi.

Words ‘what’ and ‘if’ in such a case have the potential to haunt you for all your life. What isn’t but could have been appeals daters and is fascinating. The beautiful fabrication of such a relationship is wonderful and picture perfect, because it includes qualities of a person you want in real life.

“This amazing relationship has all the magical attributes, and is too good to be true. Reality surfaces soon, and you realize it’s not going to work, because in your head, you have made this relationship perfect. When the break-up comes, it brings down everything like a house of cards. It is like a drug, and leaves one miserable, confused, lonely, desperate, and in denial,” says Pria Warrick, psychologist.

It is actually a relationship with your mind and imaginations are never restricted by reality. Dr Chandni Tugnait, relationship expert spills some advice on how to deal with ‘almost relationships’

1. Acknowledge your feelings

It is important to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling before you can start to move on from such a relationship. If you are feeling sad, angry, or hurt, that is okay. Acknowledging your emotions will allow you to process them and eventually let them go.

2. Talk to someone you trust.

Once you have acknowledged your feelings, it can be helpful to talk to someone else about what you are going through. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else who you feel comfortable speaking with. Talking about your experiences can help you to make sense of them and gain some clarity.

3. Take some time for yourself.

After a breakup or the end of an almost-relationship, it is important to take some time for yourself. This means doing things that make you happy, spending time with people who make you feel good, and taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Doing these things will help you to recover from the situation and eventually move on.

4. Be patient

Getting over an almost relationship can take some time, so it is important to be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and take the time you need to heal. Eventually, you will be able to look back on the situation and see it for what it was - a brief chapter in your life that has now come to an end.