How to have difficult conversations with your partner: Therapist shares tips
From taking time-outs to listening to the other side of the story to taking turns to speak, here are a few tips that can help you in having a difficult conversation with your partner.
In relationships, we are often faced with the challenges of putting forward our wants and needs and expectations in a clear way. This also involves speaking to our partner right after an argument and letting them know the emotions we have faced all throughout. In case of separation as well, we need to have a difficult conversation to sort out things and finally figure out a space of a healthy parting. Relationships often bring such situations in front of us when we do not know how to communicate our thoughts and put them in words that should not be misunderstood, and most importantly, should not hurt the other person’s feelings.
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Sara Kuburic, Psychotherapist, who goes by the name Millennial Therapist on Instagram, is known for sharing insights related to modern day problems on her Instagram handle. Sara, a day back, addressed the issue of difficult conversations and shared a few tips that we should keep in mind at all times in order to communicate properly.
Intention: We should sort the intention first with which we will be starting the conversation. It can be related to a difficult situation, unresolved trauma, argument. When we have an intention in place, we should initiate the conversation with our partners.
Listen: It is also important to be inclusive and patient to our partners when they put their opinions forward. When they speak, they expect us to listen – just like how we expect the same. Hence, we should listen with the intention of understanding, not just responding.
Speak for yourself: We all have our own set of wants, needs and expectations about what we would like to get from the relationship. It is hence recommended to use sentences that speak for the same from our perspective.
One at a time: When we are having an emotional conversation, we often tend to lose focus from the real topic. It is important to keep the focus intact and address one issue or one topic at a time.
Take turns: We should allow the partner to also speak and we should listen. Hence, Sara recommended that we should take turns in speaking and communicating the issues.
Degrading language: We should avoid yelling, unhealthy criticism and degrading language at all times. It takes away the focus from the real conversation and makes the discussion toxic.
Time-out: Difficult conversations can be exhausting. Take time-outs if needed and get back to the conversation when you feel you are in that space again.
Honesty: It is important to be transparent and honest about our feelings to the partner.
Problem, not the person: When we focus on the person, we end up complaining. It is important to address the problem, and not end up criticising the person.
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