Surprise, you need help: How to stage an intervention without the drama
No accusations. No drama. Here’s how to plan an intervention for a loved one without putting them on the spot
It’s not an ambush. It’s not an ultimatum. An intervention, for those who’ve never had one (or watched the TV show of the same name, airing since 2005), is typically a planned meeting to address one person’s problem. Families do it if a member shows signs of substance abuse or an eating disorder. Schools call in parents to intervene in cases of a student’s problematic behaviour. Colleagues get together to overthrow capitalism (Just kidding; it’s usually to bitch about the boss).
IRL interventions needn’t be as dramatic as the ones on TV. No suspenseful music or montage of concerned folks. But for a loved one in need of a wake-up call, it’s a useful tool, says clinical psychologist Poojashivam Jaitly. Here’s how to stage one with all the love and none of the drama.
Check if it’s necessary. Everyone struggles with challenges, emotionally and mentally. “But when it gets in the way of a person’s social, personal and occupational functioning, their everyday life, is when they need help,” says Jaitly. Families and communities should watch for changes in the person’s behaviour, if they’re having outbursts or have difficulty managing their emotions. Or if a once-outgoing person has become withdrawn. Often, she says, the first thing to be impacted is sleep, appetite and activity levels. Pick up on these signs before organising an intervention.
Don’t barge in. Those who struggle often don’t seek help, either because they’re too scared, in denial or they feel like others may judge them. Getting together to point out the obvious simply makes them feel exposed and defensive. “Movies and TV shows show people being direct and provocative. That isn’t the right way.” says Jaitly. People take time to open up. Start by trying to understand what they are going through. “Just be there and don’t point out the problem.” Jaitly also advises against trying to offer solutions.
Pivot. In Failure to Launch (2006), the main leads are locked in a room by their friends, so they can work out their problems. Forcing a confrontation is a terrible idea. If a person is getting angry or is clamming up, it’s never going to work. “Wait for a while before talking to them,” says Jaitly. “As caregivers, your availability is more important.”
Get advice. In an episode from S2 of Arrested Development, it comes to light that Lucille, the mother, has a drinking problem. The family plans an intervention. They decide to have a few drinks themselves to “take the edge off” but are quite drunk by the time Lucille shows up. It’s a teaching moment. “Before even setting the stage for an intervention, seek help from a counsellor or psychologist on how to approach the person,” says Jaitly.
Screen time. Some dramas do get it right. Jaitly recommends watching This is Us. “They’ve beautifully depicted how two of the main characters, Kevin and Randall, struggle with addiction and anxiety and how their families have helped them,” she says. “Every time Randall got anxiety, he’d go for a run and that was how he felt he was in control of things. A lot of times people feel like if they’re seeking therapy, they’re losing control. It’s a little exaggerated for the screen, but I would still say it comes close.”
