Spectator by Seema Goswami: Must we all join the fray?
They’re unhappy and we know it. Today, couples post about break-ups online. But why include us in their personal drama?
In the olden times when a couple —married or otherwise — broke up it was hard to tell. So you had these embarrassing moments when you ran into an old friend at a party and cheerily asked about his or her partner. Cue, awkward silence. Actually, the sheepish response would come, we are no longer together. Cue, more awkward silence. Then you made a few embarrassed remarks and quickly moved on to spread the word so that nobody else in the party had to undergo the same excruciating experience.
Well, those days are long gone. Now we live in a hyper connected world in which everyone is on social media curating a feed of their lives minute to minute. So, it’s become far more easy to tell if a couple is on the uppers — or have actually split — if you only monitor their social media feeds (and which one of us can say, with complete honesty, that we are not social media stalkers?)
The first sign comes when the until-now ‘happy couple’ stop posting about each other on their stories. The next thing to look for is when all photos of the erstwhile partner begin disappearing off the grid. And as if that is not enough to tell the ending of this love story, then final confirmation comes when the erstwhile partners stop following each other on Instagram.
There are some who content themselves with this, thinking that the message will go through to their friends and followers. But there are others who take this a step further, posting cryptic posts about hurt and healing, how things that don’t kill you make you stronger, and my particular favourite, how it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.
If the couple is high profile enough well then obviously this change in their status merits the release of a personal statement. If the breakup is amicable this is issued jointly and in general consists of harmless platitudes about how this particular journey may have come to an end but they will now move on apart with love and affection for one another. And that they and their family should be granted the gift of privacy to recover at this difficult time. If the break up is anything but amicable then you get two separate statements, both dripping with hurt and angst. And reading between the lines it is not hard to tell who the injured party is in this instance.
Of course, not everyone takes the high road on social media. There are some who announce that an old relationship is over by simply posting pictures of themselves with their new partners without a word of explanation, leaving us to work out how the land lies. And then there are those who make calculated digs at their exes without naming them — even though the reference to them is absolutely clear in the context.
I guess in a world where everyone has a microphone at their disposal it’s up to every single person to decide how they want to navigate the end of a relationship. But there is something to be said for the dignified silence of yesteryear even though it led to the odd embarrassing situation at parties and the like.
From HT Brunch, February 01, 2025
Follow us on www.instagram.com/htbrunch
