Spectator by Seema Goswami: Grow into a golden age
When you’re at the point where you have more yesterdays than tomorrows, life’s rules change. And deliver new delights
It was while lunching with my closest girlfriends last week that the epiphany first struck me: It’s a sure sign that you are growing old when half your stories begin with the phrase, “Remember when…” Well, at least, that’s the way the conversation tends to go when I sit down for a catch-up with my girl gang. We have been close for more than two decades now, and our memories are inextricably wound up in each other just as our lives are closely intertwined. So, yes, meeting up now means reminiscing about our past adventures as much as it does about discussing what the future holds.
I guess that’s what happens when you reach a stage in your life when you have more yesterdays than tomorrows. But thinking about it, I realised that this is not the only sign that age is fast catching up with me. Quite apart from my creaking knees and dodgy back, there are many indications that I am rapidly approaching my dotage. Or should I call that my anecdotage, given the propensity of people of my vintage to repeat stories that others have heard a thousand times before – all because they have forgotten that they ever related them in the first place.
For me, one of the first signs of ageing came when FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) was replaced by JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out). There was a time in my youth when I would have been bitterly disappointed not to be invited to some glittering reception, a glitzy fashion show, or even a fancy brunch that all my other friends were attending. Now, I actively look for excuses not to attend even those events that I am invited for. Honestly, it seems such a palaver to get dressed in the evening and put a full face of make-up on when I could be chilling on my sofa, cooking a meal, reading a book, or just hanging out with my husband.
Along with JOMO, I am also experiencing what I like to call my DGAD (as in Don’t Give A Damn) years. After spending my childhood and youth being an inveterate people pleaser, I now find myself completely indifferent to what people may think, feel, or say about me. And that applies equally to real life as it does to social media. So, no more trying to explain my point of view to friends, to defend myself against gossip and innuendo and certainly, no arguing with strangers on the Internet. What others think about me (or the state of the world) is entirely their business, not mine.
One sure sign that you are growing old – or even just older – is the thinning of the ranks around you. It’s not just that parents and aunts and uncles pass away, leaving you in the awkward position of being among the family elders. You also end up losing friends – some to disease and death; others to misunderstandings and quarrels; and some others to geographical (and then emotional) distance. But while some attrition is inevitable as the years go by, the flip side is that every surviving relationship gets even stronger as a consequence.
They say growing old is not for the faint of heart; it involves guts and gore. But, honestly, it’s not so bad when you consider the alternative.
From HT Brunch, April 26, 2025
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