Spectator by Seema Goswami: Forget demure, forget mindful
Women are expected to dress their age. But why should arbitrary numbers dictate anyone’s choices? Wear what you want, when you want
I don’t know about you but I am getting tired of being told that there are rules about what you can and cannot do as you age. And, truth be told, the more I am told about such rules the more I long to break them — and more often than not, I do just that.
The longer your years, the shorter your hair should be, they advise. My response to that is: Why? Why is it that women in their forties and above cannot grow their hair beyond their shoulders? Why should they all line up at the hair salon and get sensible bobs and page boy cuts? Is it because long hair is associated with sexual allure and women of a certain age are not supposed to have any? Are they supposed to resign themselves to being invisible as soon as their hair begins to thin and grey? Well, I’m sorry, but I am having none of that. In fact, after spending my entire youth with short hair I have now gone the other extreme in my middle age, growing my hair out till it skims my waist — and I love it.
Nora Ephron famously exhorted us to put on our bikinis and live in them while we were in our twenties because that was the decade in which we would look the best in them. Well, maybe that is true. But why would we wear bikinis to just look good for other people? We should wear them whenever the hell we want to because we feel good in them. Speaking for myself, it wasn’t until I was in my forties that I found the confidence to wear a bikini — because, by then I didn’t care what anybody else thought of me or my body. And once I started I haven’t stopped and hopefully I will still be rocking a bikini by the time I am in my 70s (if I am lucky enough to live that long).
No miniskirts or short dresses for the middle-aged the adage goes. That rule has always made zero sense to me. For most women, their legs remain their best feature long after everything else has gone south. And to be asked to cover them up to fit with some code of middle-aged modesty makes no sense at all. So, if you want to wear shorts when you go for a walk or a mini skirt when out for dinner go right ahead and do so. The fashion police can go take a hike.
The only rule when you are dressing as a woman of a certain age is that there are no rules. You have come too far to follow some cookie-cutter fashion advice spewed out by some glamour magazine. You have earned the right to dress as you like, without worrying about what the world thinks of your stylistic choices. It’s your life. And you can wear what you damn well please — and who cares if it pleases or displeases anyone else.
From HT Brunch, September 14, 2024
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