Single? Here’s how to go solo without the FOMO
Third-wheeling your besties all the time? Annoyed at couples that bail on you? Here’s how to slay the single life while everyone partners up
If Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001) shows up on streaming, jump to the bit where she’s invited to a dinner party, only to realise that everyone else there is a couple, she’s the only solo guest. Worse, her being single is all anyone can talk about. It’s mortifying. And two decades on, surely hosts and guests should do better. After all, being single is hardly a curse; singles are starting to revel in their unattached status. In China, Singles Day (11/11, all the ones) is not only a major shopping day, single folks also get huge discounts at restaurants and theme parks.
Emma Watson prefers the term “self-partnered”. Author Sue Grafton says choosing singlehood is “almost like being rich”. For singles who don’t have million-dollar movie and book franchises to their name, here’s how to manage everyday life within their coupled-up social circle.
Open it up. As most people in relationships know, having a partner usually means there’s less time to do all the things one did when they were single. So, single folks, especially, need bigger social circles, to make up for the friends who can no longer meet as often. Banking professional Katrina S, 39, from Mumbai, has been single off and on for years and no longer expects every friend to be available to meet on a whim. “You can’t demand time from someone who clearly has plans with their beau,” she reasons. She’s learnt to build a larger group of friends over the years, and give old buddies the benefit of the doubt when they can’t meet.
Aditya Srikar, 28, a tech professional in Hyderabad, has been the single one among his friends for so many years, it no longer bothers him. “What’s more important are my career and my personal goals. So, when plans with friends get cancelled because of their commitments with their partners, I simply find something else to do,” he says.
Draw new lines. Most couples aren’t being smug – they’re probably so loved up, they haven’t realised that single folks are left out of the bubble. Mekhala Subramanian, 22, who works in UI/UX in Bengaluru, often finds herself being a third wheel with her friends and their partners. “It’s awkward and uncomfortable. And leaves me feeling more single than ever,” she says. It helps to first acknowledge your own feelings without self-pity, and point out when the gang’s behaviour is non-inclusive. “If they don’t change or understand where you are coming from, distance yourself.” In most cases, old friendships tend to right the balance after the excitement of a new romantic partnership wears off.
Do a vibe check. A fellow single friend can sometimes drift away, a buddy might want to meet more often than when they were single. Most unattached folks recommend actively examining which of their friends is in need of a little love, no matter what their relationship status. “And rather than lamenting that your friendship isn’t what it used to be, aim to actively change the dynamic,” says Katrina. Being single has changed the way her attached friends view her. “I’m that friend that they can break out of routine with, do new things with. Basically, the escapist friend!”
Hold on to hope. Srikar enjoys the single life. It’s only when people offer pity, expect justifications or pressure him to find someone that he gets annoyed. “Things just take time. Finding the right person not a race!” he says. He’s accepted that he just might need more patience when dealing with his friends. In Katrina’s case, her friends actively make sure she doesn’t feel left out. Even they sometimes push her to date. “During these sticky situations, I point out how frustrating it is that they think I’m sad and lonely. I add that I’d much rather enjoy their company than get annoyed every time I meet them. It usually works.”
From HT Brunch, October 12, 2024
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