Tryna take short-cuts with English? Prolly a good idea
If you’re still hung up on proper grammar and usage, get out of the way. Language is trying to evolve
Never mind that Trevor Noah left The Daily Show. Never mind that John Leguizamo has been guest hosting in his place. Never mind that Leguizamo has accused Hollywood of not casting enough Latino actors. Pay attention to how he phrased his hilarious response to racism: “If White people can take our roles, Imma take theirs. When they do the TV series based on Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident trial, Imma be Gwyneth Paltrow”.
Imma take. Imma be.
The Daily Show’s viewership understood him right away. But stodgy grammarians decided to attack his English. They popped up on his Twitter and Instagram, saying he’ll never get White roles if he didn’t learn proper English. Elitism is the older cousin of racism – who’s gonna tell them?
Proper English – which fills our dictionaries, textbooks and wedding vows – is full of truncations already. Exams used to be examinations, the bus was once the omnibus, even pants started out as pantaloons. Cars ran on petroleum. Anyone who still calls it a perambulator has not been in a pram, or pushed one, in many decades.
Should anyone shudder at the term hangry (hungry + angry), tell them to chillax (chill + relax). English speakers have been fusing two words into a handier single one for a while. A fortnight used to be fourteen nights before the shortcut emerged in the 5th century. Stash (store + cache) is about 200 years old.
Language has certainly sped up its journey in the last 150 years. Watch the 2010 movie True Grit to find out how far we’ve come. The film is set in 1878. The dialogue uses no modern contractions – can’t, she’d, you’ve. It’s largely why the film feels stiff and slow.
Do grammar gatekeepers know that the first truncations of ‘probably’ started in the 1940s? They prolly don’t. Have they realised that word for the meal that merges breakfast and lunch (Hint: It’s the name of this magazine) has been in use since 1896? Or that at Oxford, if the meal was had closer to lunch, they’d just call it blunch?
Don’t tell the haters, but multi-word mergers are already here. Consider how “Do you want a frozen yoghurt?” jumps to “D’ya wanna froyo?” and then effortlessly to “Wanna froyo?” before the dessert even has time to melt? Or how “M’be” isn’t just the child of “I’m gonna be” but the grandchild of “I am going to be”.
It’s a feature not a bug. Language is just keeping pace with life, laying off superfluous sounds, promoting hardworking syllables and creating lean new words that do the work of their predecessors in half the time. It’s one helluva move, but hardly a new one. And if you can keep up, issa flex.
Those clutching the dictionary too tightly (and honestly, if you can clutch one, it’s already outdated) might be interested in how the world views sees them. Let’s set the scene:
Brooklyn Nine Nine. Season 5. Episode 5. Captain Holt and Detective Jake Peralta are working undercover to break up a gambling ring. Much is going wrong. Worse, Peralta can’t seem to pick up on the cue Holt uses when he’s lying.
Peralta: Tell me a lie.
Holt: You’re both great at poker, and I’m not gonna cancel the mission.
Did you spot it? How about now:
Peralta: What’s your tell?
Holt: Let’s just say, I’m doing it right now. I’m doing it at this very moment.
Still clueless? Holt does it again, when kidnapped, as he takes Peralta’s phone call: “Forget it. I shouldn’t’ve answered.” Aha! Peralta finally figures it out and senses something’s wrong. Holt, straitlaced, eloquent, proper, stoops to using contractions – I’m, you’re, gonna shouldn’t’ve – only when he’s lying.
The tell saves the day. But it’s only funny because it would never work in the real world. Language and Leguizamo are only doing their jobs. Stop hating on contractions. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
