Hear worm: Love lessons to learn from relationship podcasts
Ditch your long-suffering bestie and tune into a relationship podcast instead. It’s quicker and they know exactly what you’re going through
Besties don’t have all the answers. So, for years, we’ve had familiar channels for relationship advice. Cheating spouse? An agony aunt column in a magazine would know exactly what to do. Choosing between two suitors? Oprah could sort it out. So, where’s everyone going these days? Podcasts. They’re tackling everything from throuples and situationships to divorce law and STDs. They’re immediate and intimate. And they don’t judge.
Here are the new lessons they’re streaming into our ear.
How to ghost better. U Up?, hosted by Jordana Abraham and Jared Freid, looks at hookup culture in general and views ghosting not just as a fleeting trend, but also as a marker of our vulnerability, intimacy, and self-worth in the age of digital connections. It’s not communication breakdown, they argue. It’s a general deep-seated discomfort with emotional transparency. One episode introduces the concept of Caspering — a gentler, more apologetic version of ghosting (from Casper, the Friendly Ghost). It involves offering a brief, polite exit before disappearing, making it easier on the other person, but without the heavy emotional investment. It’s still a form of evasion, they point out. But it’s less cruel.
What’s in our baggage. Most episodes of relationship coach Jillian Turecki’s Jillian on Love have a strong focus on self-awareness, emotional growth, and effective communication, irrespective of one’s relationship status. The episode How Childhood Conditioning Shapes Your Love Life does what it says in the title. It looks at how core memories shape the way we approach intimacy and love as adults. Our childhood experiences can make us more tolerant to abuse, less likely to assert ourselves, and easier to trigger. They’re why a partner may be clingy or commitment-phobic. A hard-to-swallow pill: “Someone is not obligated to keep loving us”. Meaning, all relationships need hard work.
Bouncing back from a breakup. First, abandon the metaphor. The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie says it’s healthier to view healing as a step forward than a factory reset. The family law attorney and mediator says it helps to recognise when the first cracks appeared in a relationship and start from there. The episode What to Expect When Divorcing a Narcissist, includes an interview with Tracy Malone, founder of a narcissist-abuse support group. She outlines the manipulative and emotionally draining behaviours of narcissists, helping listeners identify the long trail of emotional abuse and how it wears a partner down. There’s also advice on how to cut ties, and protect oneself legally (in the case of American law) and emotionally after.
Navigating polyamory. The good thing about Keely Helmick and Melisa De Seguirant’s show, Queer Relationships, Queer Joy, is that it isn’t about challenges and adversity, but the vibrant side of LGBTQ+ relationships. There’s one episode about how saying goodbye can lead to personal growth, reinvention, and self-evolution.The episode about non-monogamy dispels the myth that open relationships are characterised by jealousy. The bigger challenge is almost always introducing a new person into the relationship. And all members must be mindful of minimising entitlement, and focus on being accountable rather than play the victim. As De Seguirant says, there must be a “shift from ‘Relationships are all about me and what I get out of relationships’ to ‘What do I have to give?’”
Letting go. Elsa from Frozen had the right idea, but it’s hard to do if you’re not a Disney princess. The Dear Sugars podcast, hosted by Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond, acknowledges that disentangling from a person or an idea of a relationship is tough. So, Moving On is a two-part episode. One bit deals with grief and guilt when a loved one dies a preventable death. The other is about severing connections even though it might hurt other people (such as family and kids) more, and managing regret. Strayed looks at both situations with empathy. There’s as much focus on closure as releasing oneself from a mistake.
From HT Brunch, January 18, 2025
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