Marry law with reality
Initially, I had found the proposed legislation to lower the age of marriage for men to a minimum of 18 years sensible and logical. Men are entitled to vote and earn a living by the time they reach 18, so why not marry?
Initially, I had found the proposed legislation to lower the age of marriage for men to a minimum of 18 years sensible and logical. Men are entitled to vote and earn a living by the time they reach 18, so why not marry? Many communities introduce men into business and commerce well before 18. Some of the best-known Marwari and Gujarati fortunes were made by young entrepreneurs who started well before 18. I used to find the difference between the legal age of marriage of 18 years for women, and 21 years for men, discriminatory and irrational.
But expert opinion from those working for women's development and the arguments made by paediatricians against lowering the men's age have convinced me that my impression was fallacious. We should stick to the present hiatus of at least 3 years between male and female age of marriage, considering the serious adverse effect such a move will have on both mother and child.
More than 6.4 million girls in India are married off before the age of 18 despite the prevailing legal bar. Nearly half of all married women between 15 and 19 already have one child. As many as 11 per cent of all 'reported' pregnancies are among girls between 15 and 19 years of age and end in stillbirths or abortion — the real figure is likely to be much higher. Neo-natal mortality rates are highest for the group where mother's age is less than 20 years. Broadly, one out of 15 girls drops out of school because of early marriage.
Given this reality, I have no doubt that with a reduced men's age of marriage, India's cultural context will insist on even younger brides. This will not lead to a greater violation of the law regarding the girl's minimum marriage age and compound the serious health and social consequences of early marriage.
Couples who marry early tend to have more children and practise less contraception. A little over 13 per cent married women between 15 and 19 years of age use contraception as against 35 per cent in the age-group 20-24 and 69 per cent between 30-34 years.
Ideally then, I now believe, the minimum marriageable age for men should be 24 and that of women 21 years, although I must confess that I got married at the age of 23 when my wife was only 18.
No fine print here
Two delightful books have been competing for attention in the recent past. Authored by Mardy Grothe, a psychologist, marriage counsellor and management consultant, they deal with witty ripostes, retorts and oxymoronica — paradoxical wit and wisdom. The author traces the origin of repartee to the Latin retortus — to turn back — summarising it as 'Repartee is what you wish you'd said'.
There are so many in this outstanding collection, classified in over fifteen categories that range from the laconic to the literary to the risque to the inadvertent and the political. It is impossible to make an eclectic selection. My favourite in the political collection is the standoff between the earl of Sandwich John Montagu and journalist and politician John Wilkes in the 18th century. During a political debate, the former told the latter that he was not sure whether Wilkes would die upon the gallows or of syphilis, to which Wilkes immediately retorted , "That will depend, my Lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." In 1931, Gandhi, in London, was asked by condescending reporters about what he thought of Western civilisation, to which he instantly replied, "I think it would be a good idea."
Conservative Winston Churchill and Labour's Clement Atlee were constantly at loggerheads over the latter's nationalisation drive (under which the NHS was created) and banking, coal, steel, aviation and railway were nationalised. Entering a urinal at the House of Commons, when Churchill saw Atlee, he went to the opposite side of the room. Atlee, noticing Churchill, provoked him by saying "Feeling a bit standoffish today, Winston?" Churchill instantly replied "That's right, Clement. Every time you see something big, you nationalise it."
Oxymoronica do not contain only a contradiction in terms; they contain a contradiction in ideas. Emperor Pyrrhus led Greek forces against the Romans and defeated them, but after a long, bitter battle that led to huge losses on both sides. When congratulated on his victory, he said "Another victory like this and we are all ruined". When pressed hard to make a decision during interminable negotiations, Hollywood's Samuel Goldwyn said "I'll give you a definite maybe". Lincoln, presented with two hats by two rival hatmakers and struggling to find a diplomatic judgement on their competing merits, said gravely "Gentlemen, they mutually excel each other."
In the sports arena Martina Navratilova when asked why she did not insure her famous left arm with Lloyds of London, replied "Simple, they wanted an arm and a leg."
Since today's piece is my research on others' work, it would be appropriate to end with a quote — 'In the case of the first man to use an anecdote, there is originality; with the second, is is plagiarism; with the third lack of originality; with the fourth, it is drawing from a common stock and in the case of the fifth, it's research!'