Happy birthday Taylor Swift: How her songs continue to redefine the idea of self-discovery

There's so many things in life to be grateful for, but none as instantly tangible as a Taylor Swift lyric. ‘My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in,’ is the one. No, maybe 'I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror,' is the reminder, which never fails to hit me hard. Perhaps there is no single answer to break that one line from a Taylor Swift song that helps me see the world (and myself) in a better way. It is not a name-dropping game where I would select the best songs from her albums that I love to return to. It is more of a reclamation of how I have lived, grown up and understood life better, with her curious, wonderful songs for company. It is that sense of comfort that I can't explain, but to myself. (Also read: Why Taylor Swift's Anti-Hero is the song we all are rooting for)

‘I wanna be defined by the things that I love’

Like her songs will tell you, one is defined by what they love. One wants to be defined by things that they love. That's a strangely comforting yet political statement at heart. But like her songs will also tell you, love is a lot of hard work. It's complicated and messy and never the same twice. So when Taylor Swift re-released her song All Too Well with additional lyrics, one particular line caught the internet into collective meltdown, including me. ‘And you were tossing me the car keys/ ‘F*** the patriarchy’ keychain on the ground.’ I wonder if she had written the line a decade ago, or inserted them for the 10-minute version.

Perhaps there is no point in trying to find out an answer to that, but in admitting how remarkably this line fits within our social structure. How well it defines the efforts, unwarranted ideals of love and longing between men and women. Love, like other expectations, occurs with the visibility of a framework of an institution. You fall in love in school, or grow confident to pursue someone in college. Or maybe someone with whom you work out in the gym, someone who shares the same framework in some way.

Love in an institution

Each institution, in its own way, enables a sort of invisible thread of tradition. The time it might take for those markers to turn into your worst fears is never long. After All Too Well arrived like a wave of nostalgia and delight, I realized how the song had helped me look back at the connections I had formed, and some which I had left behind. 'So casually cruel in the name of being honest,' is that old line that still rings true. The one friend with whom I talked endlessly about Taylor Swift back when 1989 released is no longer a friend… no longer in touch. I still remember waking up early in the morning for the Grammys, where Taylor won Album of the Year. We had shouted like crazy. I am now in another institution altogether, where I work. The last institution- where I studied, had not really been helpful in the endeavor of finding love. There's no two ways into underlining how earning love is far more complicated and tougher than earning money.

Surrounded by lofty ambitions of my peers, and the time-bound sensitivity of how my work routine defines my everyday, the only promise of solitude and detachment which feels available to me is a Taylor Swift song on loop. At times, I miss a word or two while humming- which is a stupid thing to do. It happens when the line 'Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry/ I'm setting off, but not without my muse' arrives in her song The Lakes. Such a mistake is forgiven; there's always a next time. The breathtaking storytelling of Cowboy Like Me, or the innocence of Enchanted that still feels fresh even after so many years- the singer has created a safe space for countless fans and music lovers like me to feel less unsure about themselves. Taylor Swift's songs continue to convince me that I am not alone in this pursuit of self-discovery and love. She knows it straightway- ‘The lingering question kept me up/ 2 AM, who do you love?’

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