'Wish I were killed, it would've been much easier': Former England captain Andrew Flintoff couldn't come out of bedroom
Andrew Flintoff, a key member of England's 2005 Ashes-winning side against Australia, admitted he feared the crash had damaged him beyond repair.
Former England captain Andrew Flintoff said it would have been "much easier" for him had he been "killed" in the near-fatal car accident close to three years ago. Flintoff revealed he thought his "face had come off during the horrific car crash that left him with serious injuries and broken ribs while filming for the television programme Top Gear in 2022.
The 47-year-old has spoken at length about the sickening crash in a new Disney documentary 'Flintoff', which premieres on Friday.
Flintoff, a key member of England's 2005 Ashes-winning side against Australia, admitted he feared the crash had damaged him beyond repair.
"After the accident, I didn't think I had it in me to get through. This sounds awful, part of me wishes I'd been killed. Part of me thinks, I wish I'd died," he said.
"I didn't want to kill myself. I wouldn't mistake the two things. I was not wishing, I was just thinking, 'this would have been so much easier'."
Flintoff was driving a Morgan Super 3 three-wheeled sports car when it overturned.
The open-topped car can hit 130 mph (209 km/h) and the cricketer wasn't wearing a helmet when it flipped over.
Flintoff's surgeon, Jahrad Haq, describes the former England captain's injuries as among the five worst he has encountered in 20 years and likens the reconstruction process to a jigsaw with missing pieces.
"I remember my head got hit, I got dragged out. I went over the back of the car and it pulled my face down on the runway, about 50 metres, underneath the car," Flintoff said.
"My biggest fear was, I didn't think I had a face. I thought my face had come off. I was frightened to death."
Flintoff struggled to come out of bedroom for days
Rated as one of England's best-ever all-rounders, Flintoff struggled to come out of the bedroom for days after the car crash, which left him with mental and physical bruises.
The 47-year-old ex-England all-rounder said it took him "10 goes to leave my bedroom" due to anxiety on his first morning as an assistant coach with the national team in 2023.
"That day in Cardiff, it took me 10 goes to leave my hotel bedroom. I couldn't get out of the room," he told The Times in an interview with former England captain Mike Atherton.
"I was so anxious and worried. I eventually went down to breakfast; sat down and chatted with Reece Topley and then Jos Buttler.
"I had to go back to my room to get my baseball mitt and I was waiting for the lift again and heard footsteps. I knew it would be (England captain) Ben Stokes.
"I didn't really know him then. I've built a great relationship with him since, but I was anxious about that, standing in the lift with him.
"In the dressing room, Joe Root came over, one of the best men you'll ever meet, and everyone made me feel so welcome.
The BBC "rested" Top Gear for the foreseeable future in 2023 after reaching a financial settlement with Flintoff.
But he remains resentful about the entertainment culture he was involved in, likening it to his own injury-ravaged playing career.
"I learned this in sport as well. All the injuries, all the injections, all the times I got sent out on a cricket field and treated like a piece of meat," he said.
"That's TV and sport. It's quite similar, you're just a commodity."
Despite regular flashbacks about the accident, Flintoff has gradually rediscovered the motivation to resume his public life as head coach of England Lions and Northern Superchargers.
"I don't think I'm ever going to be better, just different now. I'm getting there slowly," he said.
"Now I try to take the attitude that the sun will come up tomorrow and my kids will still give me a hug. I'm probably in a better place now."
Flintoff retired as a player in 2010 aged 31 after playing in 79 Tests between 1998 and 2009.
After the crash, he was initially invited to help with the England Under-19s, but he was appointed as the head coach of the England Lions in September 2024.
