Sheena murder: We must go where no story has ever gone before

Are we journalists doing enough? Are we leaving no grisly stone unturned, are we exhausting all macabre possibilities while keeping you up-to-the-minute on the diabolical killing of Sheena Bora?

True, some of us have shimmied up pipes to the balcony of Sheena’s grandparents’ home. Our tribe ferreted out Indrani’s first husband. Our anchors shout tirelessly at the country’s murder experts every evening. But we could do more.

The experts say the two main elements in a murder are money and sex. But does it have to be straight sex? They have speculated about Sheena’s alleged pregnancy, they have considered incest, but have they looked at sadism, masochism or the homosexual angle? With so many ex-husbands, evil stepfathers and shady step-siblings involved, a rich vein of steamy stories can be tapped. Could there be a shocking gay/bisexual plot?

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Consider Indrani’s first husband. We are ignoring a key element — his weird helmet. Why wear such an outrageous helmet while riding a bike or giving interviews? Notice how much it resembles Darth Vader’s face mask. Could he actually be Darth Vader, or a close relative? And if he is an alien, what are his views on gay marriage?

While Indrani has been compared to Lady Macbeth, we could go much further. What about the horror angle? Have the cops shaved her head to check whether the number 666 is tattooed on it? Did her husbands catch a whiff of sulphur and brimstone when she was around? Who made that mysterious phone call from Meerut? It may have been the restless soul of the brutally murdered girl, reincarnated in Uttar Pradesh as punishment for her sins.

Disappointingly, nobody has yet linked the murder to the stock market crash. While folks have reported on Indrani’s sandwiches, nobody knows whether the driver was eating vadapav or bhelpuri. Why this discrimination? We have been treated to stories about Indrani being a sociopath and a psychopath. But what if she has confessed to being a homoeopath? What about the curious incident of the dog in the night time? Why did it not bark? There may not have been a dog, but why did the absent dog not bark? We must have a think piece on how no ancient Aryan would have behaved in this depraved fashion. All these stories are crying out to be done.

Consider this scenario: It was a dark and stormy night with Indrani fiendishly mixing champagne and homoeopathy. Poor Sheena stumbles upon a gay conspiracy among the ex-husbands, drivers and aliens. On being detected they start buying suitcases. One of the gay conspirators attacks her because he hates straight women. Another knifes her because he loves her lover. Indrani belches fire and smoke. The driver does what he does best — drive to the hills. A suitcase full of cash is given to a hitman to bump off everybody, but he falls asleep. The murdered spirit makes the ghostly call to the cops, the alien removes his helmet and all is revealed.

(Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed are personal.)

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