Sanskrit for starters and then biriyani for lunch

We seem to have asked everybody their opinion about replacing German with Sanskrit in schools except the students. To mend matters, here’s a selection of letters allegedly written by schoolkids, the contents of which are self-explanatory.

Dear Smriti
I am a huge, huge fan of yours. You did absolutely the right thing by introducing Sanskrit and I’m going to start learning it right away. I want you to know that even if you introduce Egyptian hieroglyphics, or Hittite, or Hottentot, I will learn them all. I can also fight dragons and kill rakshasas and rescue you, if needed.
Could you autograph this letter and send it back, please.
Pappu, Class 9

Dear Smritiji
I am totally in favour of introducing Sanskrit and our ancient traditions and culture and other such cool stuff. So could we, like, have a traditional document like the Kama Sutra for our Sanskrit text-book? With illustrations, please.
Bunty, Class 10

Dear Smriti Aunty
I have always wanted to tell you that you are my role model. Earlier, I wanted to be a pole dancer when I grew up, but after seeing you, I now want to be an education minister instead.
Bubbly, Class 5

Dear Smriti miss
Alex told us today Sanskrit is a dead language. I felt very bad. I think he killed it. Can you please come and take Alex to jail. He sits behind me in class and is always pulling my hair.
Vicki, Class 3

Dear Smriti ma’am
It’s great you got rid of German. The word for sex in German is Geschlechtsverkehr so you can imagine how tedious it is to crack dirty jokes in the language. But why replace it with Sanskrit? Why not have a compromise, ma’am — let’s have Sanskrit or Greek or Latin or whatever, as long as you do away with all tests and exams. Grandpa Sibal said that everybody should pass till Class 8 but that’s not enough — I’ve already spent three years in Class 9. We’re hoping you would liberate us from the tyranny of exams completely, right up to the PhD level.
Raju, Class 9

Dear Smriti ma’am
I wanted to draw your attention to Algebra, which is a terrorist plot. It’s actually Al-Gebra, which puts it in the same league as terrorist organisations like Al-Qaeda, Al-Shabaab and Al-Coholics Anonymous. That’s apart from it being a completely useless subject unable to make up its mind. I mean, they keep on asking us to find the value of x, but x keeps on changing its value from sum to sum, making it completely unreliable. So could you ban this subject please.
Pinky, Class 9

Dear Smriti miss
To cope with the extra burden of learning a tough language like Sanskrit, could you please serve biryani in our mid-day meals? And ice-cream for dessert?
Bablu, Class 5

Dear Education Minister
I am so glad to be able to learn Sanskrit and discover my culture and heritage.
Zoramthanga, Class 10, Aizawl

(Manas Chakravarty is Consulting Editor, Mint. The views expressed by the author are personal.)