Spice of life | Talk less, listen more to master art of conversation

It was Saturday night when I was having dinner on the balcony and my eyes clapped on a goodbye scene. My neighbours were bidding adieu to their guests – but not really for they were lost in conversation that failed to find a full stop. The scene didn’t change even as I finished dinner at a leisurely pace. I wasn’t surprised.

After all, this is how moments of auf wiedersehen are – for most of us, when many topics suddenly turn up on the tongue, and we go on, and on. Conversations, of course, make us go on, especially in an informal setting. We may begin with one subject but within minutes we end up touching a variety of subjects, which change unannounced. Sometimes, they seem in order, while at other times they’re too loud and chaotic, which all depends upon the participants.

As topics are endless, so are the kinds of talkers. Being a sincere observer, I can describe many of them, from irksome to amusing and so much more. Take my neighbour for instance, a young police officer. He likes to ask questions but when one is about to answer, he instantly answers on his own. If he offers a moment to allow one to answer, a new question pops up before one finishes answering. So, every time I meet him now, it’s a silent monologue interspersed with a smile or nod. I wonder why ask something if you have all the answers.

If you ever join me on a visit to my uncle and aunt, both septuagenarians, you will notice that they both talk at the same time, copying each other’s dialogues along with the tone. Aunt usually begins and uncle follows. I have no option but to keep turning towards each of them from time to time.

When I visit my village, an elderly aunt who lives next door reminds me of theatre. When she narrates something, mostly gossip from the neighbourhood or tales from the past, she literally presents the entire scene before you, never forgetting to introduce the characters, including what they’re wearing, expressions their faces carried and what and how they said something, along with intriguing expressions on her face. But sometimes the conversation stretches too long and you need to have the presence of mind to find an excuse to leave.

I’ve concluded that what everyone wants in a conversation is the opportunity to be heard. A good listener will talk to the point and also allow others to talk.

I’m reminded of a cabin crew interview I attended a decade ago of Qatar Airways, where after a group discussion round, many of those who didn’t allow others to speak weren’t taken ahead in the last round – the personal interview. I can recall how some aspirants were talking as though they were giving a speech, without a pause for others to participate.

Thankfully, I reached the final interview round conducted the following day. I was, however, so excited that even before the two interviewers finished their questions, I jumped to roll out my answers. I remember I had heard it twice: “The question is not yet complete.” Maybe that’s why an email from the airline a week later read: “Sorry, you aren’t selected.” rameshinder.sandhu@gmail.com

The writer is an Amritsar-based freelance contributor