Spice of Life: Balancing between chasing dreams, changing diapers
She was growing up believing that school and work were gender-neutral and a must for everyone. There was no stereotyping of roles for men and women in her mind.
From my seat on the Metro, I watch the world outside whiz by at breakneck speed, a reflection of my life’s journey. Unlike the sprint taken by many in their twenties, I’m one of the women who opted for a career marathon. While my peers at the pinnacle of their professions took breaks for family, I started slowly, gaining momentum over time.
So, when I took up my present job that required all my time and focus, the constant question was, “What about your kids?” It felt like a judgment on my mothering ability and a reminder that, as a woman, my main role shouldn’t be a career.
One evening after work, I visited my daughter’s skating rink to be there for her during a difficult moment. I noticed disapproving glances from fellow mothers. This recurring question, “What about your kids?” followed me everywhere, from the moms at the rink or the relatives I discussed my new job with. Oddly, it was usually women posing this question, prompting me to ponder why men rarely face the same query. Some even assumed it was due to financial limitations, as if women shouldn’t work when financially secure.
As much as I call myself a confident woman, I became tongue-tied to say, I work simply because it’s a choice I have made. The reason for transitioning from my creative endeavours in writing and literary pursuits to a traditional nine-to-five job needed no explanation though. But over time, my answer to the common query, “What do you do?” started to carry a hint of guilt.
A friend, who is a lawyer with a thriving career, came to my rescue. She casually noted that my daughter had become more outgoing and self-reliant. She put on her shoes, felt responsible for her belongings, and interacted more confidently in the common play area. I enquired whether my reduced presence was behind this change, and she affirmed it, mentioning that it was actually benefiting my little girl. “An overprotective parent is as much a hindrance as an oblivious one is to a child’s holistic growth,” she remarked.
“Are women in high leadership positions not mothers? Of course, they are! They’ve found their own way to strike a balance. Working women possess a remarkable knack for efficient time management,” she said.
My friend’s words brought a smile to my face, reassuring me that I was handling motherhood well. I expressed my gratitude before returning home to take on my second shift of the day: Helping with homework, ironing uniforms, and managing grocery orders.
“Do you like it when mummy goes to office?” I asked my four-year-old as we cuddled for the bedtime story. Her response was as illuminating as my friend’s. “Just as school is important for me, your office is important for you. How else will you learn?” was her innocent reply with profound wisdom. In her words not only lay the answer for so many women who face the same quandary, but also a sense of gender neutrality.
She was growing up believing that school and work were gender-neutral and a must for everyone. There was no stereotyping of roles for men and women in her mind, which would eventually help in plugging the unequal ratio of men versus women at workplaces.
The following day, I got ready for work with a smile. As I watched my daughter chatting with her friend, I overheard her say, “I want to be like my mother.” The greatest acknowledgment of all is to be a role model for my daughters.
The writer is media adviser to National Commission for Women. She can be contacted at sannakaushal@gmail.com
