Guest column | The art of giving and receiving compliments

Compliments are the helium that fills everyone’s balloon; they elevate the person receiving them so he or she can fly over life’s troubles and land safely on the other side.

Bernie Seigel

Have you found yourself in a situation where someone has come up to you, enthusiastically grabbed your hand, complimented you on your achievements or looks and you turn this way or that, sheepishly looking for an excuse to wriggle out of the situation?

Now, imagine this scenario, you meet a friend at a party who looks stunning in her new dress and looks to you for approval but all you can muster up is “nice!” or “you look good but you could have done better had you put on different earrings.” Well, chances are that you need to refine the art of giving or receiving compliments.

Research shows that an average person spends about 142 minutes or two-and-half hours per day on social media sites and an average user has around 338 friends on Facebook. Living in a virtual world, one finds it easy to communicate and compliment people on social media as these artificial-intelligence-based sites have auto-generated responses to every type of circumstances.

Responses and compliments in the real word, on the other hand, hardly show similar fervour or warmth as one not only fumbles for the right choice of words to dole out compliments but also the required élan to accept them.

Here are a few reasons why we must give or accept compliments:

The feel good factor: Mark Twain famously said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Such is the positivity infused in a person’s life by a single favourable comment. Research reveals that when a person receives a compliment, it activates the striatum (the part of human brain that is activated when a person receives an award). The reaction spurs the release of chemical messengers or neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine makes one feel happy, while serotonin helps reduce stress.

Strengthens the bond: Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu said, “When envoys are sent with compliments in their mouths, it is a sign that the enemy wishes for a truce.” Genuine compliments are the best way to foster bonds whether at home or the workplace. A boss who knows how to keep his subordinates upbeat by frequently complimenting their work is a true leader and an able administrator. Parents, too, should often compliment children on their achievements not only to boost their confidence but also to strengthen the filial bond.

Makes the person feel noticed and appreciated: American novelist Cynthia Ozick believes, “We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” Homemakers, in many households, bear the grudge that their work goes unnoticed as well as unappreciated. When you offer prayers to the almighty for putting food on your plates, always remember to appreciate the one who prepared it for you. Do not feel stingy in offering an occasional compliment to your chauffeur, housekeeper, security guard of your building, the waiter that brings your food and many such people whose efforts and work perhaps go unnoticed and unappreciated for they exist on the fringes of your every day life.

Magnifies one’s strength: We are often told to believe in ourselves and in our own strength. However, when someone else compliments you, the belief in your capability multiplies manifold. Be that pillar of strength to someone else’s abilities by offering a compliment. A compliment at the opportune moment dispels any shade of self-doubt or uncertainty that the person might be harbouring. Remember, compliments are like karma – what goes around, comes around. When you give strength to others, you feel morally elevated which in turn gives inner solace and strengthens both, the mind and soul.

Sparks creativity: Scientific study reveals that when a person learns a new skill set and he is complimented on his newly acquired skill, it leaves a significant impact on his cognitive functions. He not only tends to memorize and learn it better but also feels motivated to do better. A sincere praise or kind words can increase focus and positivity in a person leading to a surge in creative faculties.

Compliments are free: It takes nothing to pay a compliment and believe me, your account will never exhaust no matter how many you pay. So spread cheer in other people’s lives by paying compliments. Since they are free, use them more often. An internet quote says, “Throw compliments around like confetti.”

sonrok15@gmail.com

The writer is an associate professor at SD College, Ambala Cantt