What’s the smoothest way to split the bill?

Nobody wants to feel taken advantage of, but our relationships aren’t just transactional. If orders are similar, splitting evenly is fine. However, if somebody ordered the steak and four Martinis and another had a salad and wasn’t drinking, it’s perfectly fine to politely suggest splitting based on individual orders. For those who prefer precision, apps can make that happen.

Is it OK to tip less if the restaurant bill is very high?

Tipping is not optional. It’s built into the wage of the server. Factor that 20% into your dining budget. Everything’s more expensive now. If you can’t afford a dish, you need to make a different choice.

How do you navigate the question of differing dining budgets ahead of time? How much is too much information to share?

When you’re invited out, you make a choice: Is this a place where I could have an enjoyable evening within my budget, or not? It’s perfectly reasonable to say, “Hey, I’d love to catch up, but I’m watching my spending this month, how about coffee?” Dining is about getting together with others, and that can be achieved in various ways.

Does the etiquette change if it’s a special occasion, like a birthday?

The rule is that the host, the person issuing the invitation, pays for both parties. If I invite you to my house, I’m not going to charge you for the water from my sink when you wash your hands.

Restaurant bills can come with surprises—like automatic service charges or premiums for certain menu options. How can diners handle these costs with sensitivity to others at the table?

Standard service fees—and unexpected charges, like captain’s tips—apply to everyone who enjoyed the meal. If I got the shaved truffle supplement on my pasta, that’s my expense. You’re still responsible for what you consume. The idea of “fair” is dependent on who you’re with. With me and my friends, fair is “close enough” or “I got this one, you get next time.” The key is that nobody feels taken advantage of.

What are some faux pas one can make when it comes to the bill?

It’s rude to assume everyone wants to split the bill evenly without asking—or to comment on others’ eating habits or how they spend their money.

Do you have any additional tips for being a good guest at a restaurant these days?

Let’s be prompt and not keep fellow diners or the restaurant waiting. Time is money, and they need that table for somebody else. The sooner you’re out, the sooner everybody’s making some money. Don’t dominate the ordering: Ask before ordering for the table. If you’re invited out and you’re not sure who’s hosting, it’s OK to clarify and offer to split. Always show gratitude for being invited, even with a simple “thank you” text. I’m a big fan of a mailed handwritten note, but I will take gratitude in all forms. I don’t want to live in a world in which we decide that we don’t express gratitude for anything. Then it’s a slippery slope to anarchy and chaos.

Edited from an interview by Nora Knoepflmacher