How much do you lie in a day?

So, how many lies do you get through on an average day? Less than ten? More than 20? Around a 100? Well, if you’re hitting the three-figure mark, then it may be time to check in for some therapy. But if your individual score is less than 30, don’t worry: you come well within the normal range.Because, truth be told, it is impossible to get through the day without lying to someone or the other about something or the other. No matter what you do, whom you meet, you will always come up against situations in which truth-telling is both cruel and needlessly hurtful. There will always be some situations in which honesty is demonstratively not the best policy.

And that’s when you will realise that lying is the lubricant that keeps our social contract in good working order.Never mind all those moral science lessons that were drummed into you in school. Never mind what your religious texts tell you about how lying is a Very Bad Thing. Never mind the scolding you got whenever you lied to your parents as a kid. Now that you’re a grown-up you have to assess when telling the truth works; and when it is simply out of the question.While each one of us will have to make our own individual assessments as we go along, I think we can agree that there are some areas where lying is always better than sticking to inconvenient truths.First up is children. Other people’s children, that is. No matter how close you are to the parents, it is never a good idea to tell them the truth about how you feel about their kids (unless, of course, you adore them – in which case, go right ahead). But otherwise, discretion is always the better part of frankness.Going to see a friend’s new-born baby? Remember to coo and sigh and say "How cute" and "How absolutely adorable" at appropriate intervals even if she/he resembles nothing more than a shrivelled-up prune which comes with its own surround sound.

Having dinner with friends with young children? Smile encouragingly when they are coaxed out of their bedrooms to regale you with the rhymes and songs they have learned at play school. Clap loudly when the ordeal ends even if you are bored to death. And nod along enthusiastically when the proud parents tell you how marvellously talented they are.Nobody wants to know what you really think. Nobody wants the truth. They just want someone to validate their pride in their children. So be a pet and play along.In fact, the only way to negotiate the social minefield is to spread a few lies around strategically so that can you step on them and avoid being blown up by a hidden landmine.You may well think that your cousin’s new home is a monstrosity, a landmark to bad taste and too much money. But what’s the point in saying that (unless you want to pay him back for the time he locked you into a toilet for an entire day)? Admire his new sound system, exclaim over the Italian furniture, go into ecstasies over the Jacuzzi in the bathroom. There, it wasn’t that difficult, was it?

From HT Brunch, February 5