What was it like to be in the armed forces?

The values of the Indian Army are based on the ethos and ethics of the traditions of various castes and communities of India. They motivate, inspire, and help us to conquer fear. In the army, you don’t have to come looking for an adventure, adventure will come looking for you. Particularly in the border areas, every day there’s a fresh challenge. And fear is common to all human beings. Sam Manekshaw once said that anybody who says he doesn’t know fear is either a liar or a Gurkha. And I’m from the Gurkhas, and I’ve seen three wars and I’ve seen how the Gurkhas behave in a fight. So, unlike others, what makes a man in the uniform conquer fear is love. You may say that love is a very military word, but it’s on the altar of love that men and women in uniform perform, and do their bit, bringing the country first in everything.

Love, honour, commitment, dedication, and self-respect, all these values are pumped into us right in the beginning, so there’s no reason to be afraid. This is the message of the book, and it applies to everyone, in every sector.

In a profession like yours, it must be difficult to navigate your career despite your disability. What was it like to bounce back?

It’s all a matter of perception, all a matter of attitude. When I lost my leg and became disabled, I did not think of it as the end of the world. But when I was in the hospital, I was told that my career was now finished, and you can’t command troops. At the time, I read a book called Reach for the Sky: The Story of Douglas Bader, Legless Ace of the Battle of Britain by Paul Brickhill. I learnt that Bader, who had lost both his legs, became an air ace shooting down 32 German planes. So I thought, if he could do it, why not I? My focus has always been to do my best to prove to the others that you’re no less than them; in fact, you’re better than them. I used to run 46 km every day; every weekend I used to swim in the Defence Services Officers’ Institute (DSOI) swimming pool, and used to climb mountains — did everything possible.

Luck, however, always plays a part. God, too. I happened to go to the border areas with a vice chief and I went to a picket (post), climbing about 2800 feet. The vice chief came in a chopper, and he asked, “How did you come here?” I said I climbed. He said, “You can climb?” I replied, “Sir, what I can do and cannot do lies in the minds of my senior officers?” What do you mean, he commanded. “Sir, you are not aware of what we can do and what we cannot do. Give me a chance to prove it. Not me, but all my battalion.” While the Indian Army is very hierarchal and isn’t easily swayed by others, I am very proud of the fact I could bring about change, by commanding a battalion and a brigade. I really believe what Brigadier Desmond Hayde had said, “Battles are won or lost in the mind before they are won or lost on the grounds.”

You begin the book with the story of a woman in the forces. Was it a conscious decision? Given the historical discrimination women have faced in the forces, how has the attitude towards women shifted over the years?

In this book of 13 stories, four are about women, two about army doctors and two about mothers. I’m not advocating that women should be part of the combat ops. God has created men and women differently. We need to focus on what we can do, and how can we overcome our limitations and build our strengths.

But in this story, you’re mentioning, there was a woman doctor who was not performing a combat role. She was performing her role as a doctor in a combat area, along with other men. She made history not only by being the first medical officer with an all-male battalion but also because she won a gallantry award for serving in the combat area under fire. And she’s the first woman in the Indian Army to get a Sena Medal for gallantry. Women are better than men in many ways. Men are made differently for different roles. We should respect that and keep it as is. The rest is meaningless rhetoric.

Please share your thoughts on what it would take for the forces to acknowledge or recruit people of alternate sexualities?

The problem has nothing to do with the capacity and capability. I believe whether you’re a man, woman, or transgender you’ve your own strengths and areas of function. And irrespective of who you are, if your focus is country first, you should be allowed to prove yourself. Therefore, there should be no bias or prohibition for transgender people entering the armed forces. The problem is our culture, but I think in time good sense will prevail.

Besides being a historian, you are a “war poet” too. Why do you prefer this label?

Stories on war can be told in prose; they can be told in poetry. I do believe that poetry and prose have different audiences, and if you want to reach everyone you should use every possible medium. I never knew I could write poetry, but my first poem was about an unknown soldier. Then, my first book was about the 21 Param Vir Chakra (PVC) — India’s highest military decoration — honourees. But thousands of others do so much, and nobody witnesses them. For a gallantry award, you need to have a witness, so I write to pay homage to unknown soldiers and their efforts.

What do you want to achieve with your writing?

I have very limited time; I am 87. What I feel as an author is that I need to be read. I have a message. I’ve fought three wars. I know what it’s like to be in the shadow of death. And nobody understands the gift of life other than the soldier because he’s living in the shadow of death all the time. People misunderstand the armed forces. In my view, so few of them join forces nowadays. With my writing, I want to bring the man in the street close to the armed forces.

Saurabh Sharma is a Delhi-based queer writer and freelance journalist. On Instagram/X: @writerly_life.